Why Profiling Works – Ignoring the Obvious 2.
By Jennifer Munro
President, EagleVision Performance Solutions
I wish I could say that I have not ignored the obvious in my life, but of course, I have far too many examples of where I did just that. From unfortunate marriages, to scary partnerships, disappointing relationships, poor purchasing and business decisions, I have had my share of “ignorance.” But one thing I did notice throughout my adventures in ignoring the obvious was that it was always a choice; a bad choice but a choice nevertheless. Looking back, and even at that time, I “knew” in my heart, or gut, when I was looking at all kinds of information to the contrary, that I was going against what was obvious, right in front of me. Fortunately and happily, I have taken that road less and less to good results.
There were “reasons” for my ignoring my “sense” of doom and disappointment though because I also possess, in addition to good instincts, a strong sense of wanting to please others. Those two seemingly unrelated behaviors come from the same trait. As you will see throughout, all traits present the proverbial good and bad two edges of the sword, or two sides of things. People who are sensitive to what others need and want by definition have good instincts, but they also want to please. Sometimes pleasing others leads to ignoring instincts.
In college, if a boy “touched” me somewhere he shouldn’t, and I reacted negatively to that, he would, of course, tell me “it was an accident,” or I “imagined it”, or that I was “overreacting and that he meant nothing by it.” So, “knowing” what his intention was instinctively, yet wanting to save his ego and let him know I trusted and believed in him, I might subdue my instincts to where they were suspect to me. You do that for a while under enough circumstances, and it becomes easier to rely on what people tell you and to distrust what you “know.”
For example, when parents question their children’s truthfulness in opposition to what an adult is telling them about the same incident, often because authority usually defers to an adult over a child, that causes children to doubt their own instincts. When people dismiss another’s feelings, fears, perceptions as being less than they are, doubt also attaches to self-perception and self-worth.
There are times when facing the obvious is very difficult and unpopular. When 1,000,000 people have a bad idea, it is difficult to tell them that it is a bad idea. If you go along with it, it is bad for all of them and for you. If you don’t, you go alone. It is my experience that going it alone in the long term will make you happier.
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